Hatemail Page 2

What the hell, your website used to be hilarious. But I think you may have
crossed the line when you made that article about Jetta's. Ok, so maybe you
don't like Jetta's; everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but why not
make the article about civic's, or tercel's, or some other car that is much
worse than a jetta? I have a Jetta, and I can't speak for those who put
enormous wings on the back of their cars, or ridiculous rims, but a large
amount of people who have Jetta's and decide to enhance the performance of
their car do it in a tasteful manner. I'm almost postive that if you looked
around, you would find a jetta which you like (in terms of looks). As for
the techincal specs, the current jetta (Mk. IV) comes with four available
engines: The VR6(200HP), the 1.8T(180HP), the 2.0(115HP), and the TDI(90HP),
which is a diesel engine. If you were to take a close look at those
numbers, and compare them to other similarly priced cars, you'd find that
the jetta is among the best cars available for that price. However, power
is not the only issue. The jetta comes with many amenities which other cars
in that price range do not offer, and it is among the safest cars for that
class.
So now that you have a little more information about the jetta, maybe
you can have a more educated opinion. Also, if you have any more questions
about this, or any other Volkswagen model, please feel free to contact me
via e-mail.

Regards,
Zè

I'm glad I got your attention because, as a matter of fact, I do have several questions about the Jetta:

1. Why do Jettas attract fat college whores with cellphones?

7. How much jizz would one have to put in a Jetta's gas tank to ruin the engine?

4. How come this site exists: http://www.myvwlemon.com/ ?

5. How come this site exists: http://www.vwsucks.com ?

6. And this one: http://www.suckercars.com/ ?

7. How come hondasucks.com doesn't exist? And how come toyotasucks.com has nothing bad to say about Toyotas? Nope, I'm pretty sure Civics and Tercels hold up just fine. Jettas, on the other hand, should all be recycled. They can melt down the car bodies and make beer cans, use the window glass to make bongs, and use the pussy-ass engines to power little hand-held fans.

6. If I'm entitled to my own opinion, which you openly stated at the beginning of your email, what business do you have trying to convince me that a Volksfagen isn't a hunk of cowshit? Just a thought.

"XP-Geek" <xp-geek@stealth.com>
To: me@xomfy.com
Subject: Hmmmmmmmm....
Date: Fri, 20 Aug 2004 22:32:24 -050

You are a complete idiot.
You musta made all this stuff up.
You have the world 100% wrong.
You are not a bit funny.
Get a life!

George Hayduke
ghayduke@gitevin.com

Thanks for the poem. I will print it out and shit all over the page, then let it dry and frame the ensamble. I imagine the corniness of your email will go well with the corn in my feces. That was a stupid joke. I'm sorry. I am all out of responses. You haters can keep saying the same thing over and over and I'm expected to reply with a new and fresh response each time. It's hard. Kind of like writing pornography. Porn writers don't get half the respect they deserve. Every porn writer has to create an innovative plot while still maintaining the right amount of hot action. It's a very fine line and the genre only gets a bad wrap because it's porn. I want to write pornos. I'd be like:

Sally: "Oh my god, Jill cheated on you? Here, lick my pussy."
Jim: "*slurp* *slurp* Yeah, she did, and I fucked your sister."
Sally: (Chomps on Jim's huge tasty penis) "You did WHAT?"
Jim: "That's right, whore. Now calm down. Let's argue after the theater clears out. We don't want to interrupt your daughter's piano recital."

From: "sara green" <lilbitch69_911@msn.com>
To: me@xomfy.com
Subject: (none)
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 23:57:57 +0000

it seems to me after reading the commints that u really dont wanna die, but
u do because everything ppl suggest u said u tryed but faild if u actually
wanted to die at the most it wwould of took 2 times im not trying to be a
bitch buts thats wat i think. overdose but u need to take more tha 5 pills
try hydrocodin and advill and all kindsd of pills take liek 20 pills or
takes many as it take to ur heart to stop.......

If you're such an expert at killing yourself, why are you still alive? That is both a hint and a suggestion.

From: "lovelybabe11@aol.com" <lovelybabe11@aol.com>
To: me@xomfy.com
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 15:01:09 EDT

lol
get an education, am not just sayin that tho
It'd do u the world of good
why?
knowledge is power
you want to work 4 some1 wen u grow up?
or would you rather b teh boss?
i kno wot i want to do m8

I feel like a 10 year old is calling me ugly and I want to punch him the face but I can't because he's so stupid and helpless and 10. How can someone who spells "what" like "wot" tell me to get an education? I need a nap.

From: James Parsons
To: me@xomfy.com
Sent: Tuesday, September 17, 2004 5:54 PM
Subject: good advice

You keep saying that you know that you're copying Maddox, that you know he's better than you, and that you don't care. Well guess what? Nobody cares that you don't care, your site still sucks. Do you know why? Because, in reality, you're not copying Maddox at all. He doesn't just arbitrarily write pointless bullshit; his articles have meaning, and if they don't (as in his "huge balls" article, their pointless humor is at least funny and not meant to be taken seriously). He complains about certain things because he has a sense of standing up for what he believes. He believes in people thinking for themselves. Despite what he says about always being right, he doesn't want people to blindly agree with him, but to have their own opinions and have wills of their own. If you were simply trying to copy the look of his website, that would be fine, but you are poorly trying to copy his attitude and are failing because you are missing his very point!

If you still insist on trying to copy Maddox's creativity and style, at least try to do a better job. For example, Maddox doesn't point out every single fucking spelling mistake that people make in his responses to hate mail unless there's a point; for instance, if the hate mail has accused him of incorrect grammar or spelling and he wants to show the writer's hypocrisy. By the way, you do have bad spelling, so why don't you stop being such a hypocryte yourself? There, I spelled hypocrite wrong, why don't you make it red? Alright.

Really, it's not that you're trying to copy Maddox; it's that you're doing such a goddamn shitty job at it. If you really want to be like Maddox, then BE ORIGINAL! I know you've heard it before, but it's still good advice.

Nothing. You're website makes me sick and i agree, you are ugly i've gotten
off the toilet and seen better things than you, Ever heard of acne cream?
Maby if you were taking a shower instead of wripping off everything maddox
does you wouldn't be so wragged ugly and stupid. You're a parasite you feed
off of maddox's material When you try and justify how stupid you are
remember you copyed maddox and sucked at doing it, hes a funny guy you are
not. Nobody likes your trashy website or you. i also think that you are a
gay nerd that used to sit in front of you'r computer and do nothing but
ponder on how much your life sucks and what a loser you are. i think that
you got sick of it and decided to copy someone that isnt a loser such as
maddox, i make and end to my speach and hope that you are not jacking of to
this letter

From: Matt Kuyer
To: me@xomfy.com
Sent: Friday, August 20, 2004 12:27 AM
Subject: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT

You really are a fucking dumbshit. What the fuck is with that shit about giving cows cancer? Cancer is a fucked up thing for anyone. Fuck you are a nieve wanker. Keep your stupid fucking ideas to yourself.

From: "victor contreras" <looper5040@yahoo.com
To: <me@xomfy.com
Sent: Thursday, September 16, 2004 1:48 AM
Subject: dude....

Some of the shit you say on your shit is a load of
bull. Seriously. And if youre gonna rant about how bad your job is and
how you hate it. Fucking quit, dipshit!

Go and cry about it! Cuz I dont give a fuck.
I wouldn't care if you drop dead right now.

Anyways, I'm only sending this email because of your
well being. Because your a dumbass. Get over it. Get a
life. And stop being such a dick.

I can even go with get some better rants.

From: "Mike Heslin" <hey8786@yahoo.com
To: <me@xomfy.com
Sent: Friday, September 24, 2004 9:24 PM
Subject: You suck.

Ok, I don't really have a problem with the whole cramp
on Maddox's style. But if you're going to do it, at
least do it well. Maddox's website is successful
because he says funny, insightful things that are
entertaining and suggest an advanced level of
cognitive effort. Thus, people care about what he
thinks and has to say. The things you write, however,
suck. I mean Jenna Jameson suck. Nothing on your
site is even remotely interesting, let alone funny.
You are a kid, don't you have anything better to do
with your time? Please, go outside or something. Live
your life instead of wasting it away on some machine
all the time. And no, that's not hypocritical; I don't
spend that much time online, but my brother showed me
your crappy site, and I subsequently had to hurl
because it was so bad, so I think it merited one
e-mail. Just because you use the same format as
Maddox doesn't mean your page is "The Second Best."
Really, if what you have to say is worth being posted
on the internet, you shouldn't have to mimic someone
else just for publicity. Upon pondering your
situation, I have come to this one conclusion: you
suck, at least at putting your thoughts on the
internet. I don't know you, there might be other
things you are good at. You should really consider
pursuing them, because I have to tell you right now,
the whole webpage thing isn't going anywhere for you.
So really, I'm writing you this e-mail for your sake,
you can listen to it or not, I don't really care.
You'll thank me for this someday, though.

From: cashjunkmail@earthlink.net
To: me@xomfy.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 10, 2004 10:23 AM
Subject: Contradiction

I really like how you contradict yourself. In your How to be an asshole during the Super Bowl article, you stated I hate playing sports. Watching them is even worse.

Then in your article you stated Rugby is the greatest sport ever invented.

Maybe you should think about things before you type them.

From: Eightiesrapbetch@aol.com
To: me@xomfy.com
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2004 7:04 AM
Subject: dude, you suck.

Your web site might look like Maddox's but you're no Maddox. I gave you an honest chance, read a significant amount of your articles and it sucks. Your articles don't merit any further analysis. Quit now. Dumbass.

My articles don't merit any further analysis? How tragic, because last night I couldn't go to sleep. I was too worried about whether or not my site merited any further analysis.

It's cute how people try to be so intellectual in writing hatemail. Like insults from someone sophisticated will hurt so much more.

But then towards the end, the writer always feels unsatisfied and worries that they haven't expressed their disapproval as accurately as they had hoped. So they close with a bunch of harshness and cuss words. Faggot douchebag.

From: Daniel Mitchell
To: ninjapirate@ninjapirate.com
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2004 9:09 PM
Subject: This is coming from someone who can spell and thusly has the upper hand.

From: Steve CrocHunter
To: me@xomfy.com
Sent: Sunday, September 05, 2004 10:08 AM
Subject: You stupid asshole....

"Thinking further about how much people like Hellen Keller piss me off, I got an idea to get back at all the disgruntled handicapped folk who petitioned the government to use my money and put braille everywhere."

"Anyway, back to Hellen Keller: What an overrated story. So she learned to communicate with people. So what? I could do that when I was 4."

"A class required me to see the play "Hellen Keller." It was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing."

Nice one asshole. This reminds me of that one Helen Hunt hatemail at www.maddox.xmission.com. You obviously can't make a good as a site as him, so please stop you are pissing me off. You don 't have to put this hatemail up on your site, i'll let you correct your mistake and you can delete this. I liked your site up until the point where I read that. I am now ashamed I even liked your site in the first place. You were trying to make yourself sound smart and typed her name wrong several times....

By the way here, is the link to the Helen Hunt hatemail.

http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail1.html

From: "Ana Marques" <manhunter666@hotmail.com
To: <me@xomfy.com
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2003 10:40 PM
Subject: cunt

MORON

I like this. Good job. My favorite hatemail.

From: Riddle
To: ninjapirate@ninjapirate.com
Sent: Friday, September 17, 2003 5:26 PM
Subject: I dont know about this site.

I don't see how you can say that you have not ripped off Maddox in any way. I mean, compare your site to his, they are the same thing. Well, except you suck really bad at trying to make fun of things. I mean, Im a fan of Maddox and all, but dude, you are sweating his fucking balls like you are a 12 year old girl chasing Justin Timberlake around. That goes for all of the "hardcore Maddox fans" Do you know how many fucking people have a website titled "The Second Best Page In The Universe?" Too fucking many. At least if I had a site like this I would not rip the color scheme and have the most unoriginal title ever. Oh yes, you are a ninja pirate eh? I guess that could work, but it doesn't. Ninjas are about stealth and assasination. Pirates use guns and are very unstealthy. Put this up on your site if you wish..just stop ripping off Maddox and be original. Asshole.