Beware. Global and/or local warming and/or cooling is happening
Here's what happens when both political parties pay off different departments of the news media -
Here's CNN with the same contradicting headlines
And this is MSNBC's coverage of these two stories side-by-side.
One part of the world is freezing, the other is burning. Shouldn't these two stories somehow cancel each other out? Shouldn't the headlines look like this -
Liberals are finally learning that paying off the media is the best way to market themselves. The whole "bumper sticker" thing hasn't worked too well this past half-century. So now they have to compete with the republicans for media control. And instead of managing it with any sense, they throw it all up there at once and hope nobody notices.
The networks putting these two contradicting stories side-by-side doesn't say much for the news, but it really doesn't say much for their trusting audiences. It's like people are stupid or something. The media has the capacity to scare people into thinking they're going to burn, freeze, and die of lukewarmness at the same time. So we go out and buy air conditioners, heaters, and whatever you do to avoid being too lukewarm. Maybe covering your body with lukeworms. What the shitbeaver is a lukeworm.
This recent headline contradiction proves that nobody seems to have any sense at all. People who buy into this stuff have lost all ability of discernment. They could check teh news and see
And they's promptly fill their refrigerator with corn, their cabinet with uncancer pills, and their night stand with KY Jelly PM. Actually I don't think they make KY Jelly PM. I think all KY Jelly is for the PM. I don't hear about much assfucking during the daytime. It's done in the dark for obvious aesthetic reasons.
Of all the major networks, Fox News is the only site to not make the mistake of headlining both global warming and local cooling. At first I thought it was because all their writers were from down south and they were snowed in. But then I realized that "F" is the best letter to do alliteration with. Check this out -
Frankie is a fucking fucked up fucking fuck ferret.
So that ruined my thought process. It's kind of depressing knowing that global warming is totally made up by yuppies who, after five decades of failing to market their cause properly, finally took a move out of the Republican playbook.
And I'm not trying to be all "corporations suck.. the news media is corrupt and evil." I don't give a shit. I think it's sweet to have my life controlled by other people. Less decisions I have to make. It's just that now I know for a fact that my house will never have a coastline. Which I was looking forward to very much.
That poster was pinned to my wall next to my new surfboard with "Fuck global warming, my car has AC" written on it. I guess it was too good to be true.
Last updated December 14th, 2007