Why was the weed on the island so stringy?

Later is the time.

My CD drive is making funny noises. I don't know if I should be worried or not. Good thing it's not a zip drive or it would be going, "Zip idee zoo da, zip idee aye."

My mom sent me a comb for Thanksgiving. First of all you're not even supposed to give presents on Thanksgiving. Maybe a turkey baster or something. But she got me a comb. That's mixed messages coming from her. I guess she doesn't need it anymore because she's bald.

I mastered pouring beer without foam. But now when I make a bubble bath, nothing happens.

My bong takes up fourty eight kilowatts per hour. That's unbelievable. They should invent bongs that don't take up so many kilowatts per hour. Maybe kilowatts per week or day. If I had a bong that used a fulcrum, that'd be cool.

Guys ask girls why they have so many pillows. Your bed is one big huge pillow. Cut the crap. If I had my way, I'd sleep in a plastic ball pit. Except instead of plastic, it's foam. And instead of balls, it's a big rectangle. And instead of a pit, it would be not in a pit.

I want a sweetass drum set. If I had a sweet ass drumset, that'd be cool too.

There's many good bands in the world. Probably too many. That's why we're so picky. If I were stuck on an island with infinite food and water, with one CD - Polka's Not So Greatest Hits, I'd probably get into it eventually. Unless there was weed growing on the island. Then I'd smoke so much dam pot that nearby ships would see it and I'd be rescued.

Other than weed, sometimes pills give me cotton mouth. I open the bottle and take some. It's dark. I get cotton mouth.

How many people in history have died trying to smoke plants that release poisonous gasses. But then before they die of poison, someone stabs them in the heart.

I watched several movies recently.

In conclusion, don't leave dishes in your room. It's not like the food is going to become less solidified over time. It's not like you're waiting for a flash flood to come clean them off. "But mom, global warming will raise the sea levels."

How do we know that sea levels are rising because of global warming? Maybe Moses is up there piss wasted.

Moses has never been very good with water. Even his mother would say, "You can't call shotgun. Moses before hoses."

Popsicle. What else?

Cupcake centerfold. I have a cigarette manifold.

Body language is the only kind of language where you don't sound like an idiot if you're from the south.