Buy acupuncture, get one tattoo free.

I'm going to go into an acupuncturist and say, "Doc, it's my [body part in need of tattoo (except bicep bicep tattoos are'stupid ))]." Wow, I almost drew a fish.

<'))((>< or something.

Except the parintheses went the wrong way.

I tell the acupuncturist that my back hurts. I say, "Hey Sir, my back is killing me. Stick a bunch of needles in that bitch." And then I accidentally trip and kick all the needles into a can of tattoo ink (An $8.50 can of paint from Ace Hardware will do fine). Then I tell him my pain is on my back in the exact shape of a dragon.

Then you can get tons of tattoos and shit. And if you want to be really badass, get acupuncture and leave the needles in your skin. Then walk around town like, "Fuck you." Like an acupunk-rocker or something.

One time I got acupuncture and I told the doctor, "Hey, something's wrong, my foot feels like there's needles in it." He thought I was joking or something.

And never go to a gay sado-masochist acupuncturist (they are out there) because he'll cram needles in your dick. Then he'll call you needle-dick and laugh and run away.

Last updated May 11th, 2005