Things you never knew about your spleen.

• The spleen is a giant organ in your body.

The spleen is much more than a worthless part of your lymphatic system. When properly cared for and coddled, a spleen can lead to a more fulfilling, and often more interesting life.

• You can have a lot of fun with your spleen.

a. Stroke it - a massage is like heaven to a spleen
b. Play scrabble
c. Take it on walks
d. Don't own a basketball? Use a spleen.
e. Have breakdance battles with it
f. Get it drunk and mess with its head
g. Starving? Eat your spleen. You don't need it anyway
h. Play fetch.

• Some people are born with more than one spleen.

We all have spleens. However, some of us are fortunate to have parents who did some messed up drugs when they were pregant with us. This lead them to producing babies with multiple heads, genitals, and possibly two or more spleens.

• The spleen must be washed at least once a month or it will rot.

This is important. Our spleens are very prone to pathogens because of dealing with all the crap in our intestines. If you don't remove your spleen at least a few times a year and clean it with 409 and a sponge, you will be prone to developing SARS (Spleen and Ass Rotting Simultaneously).

• Eating healthy food will keep your spleen running smooth.

Many foods are good for your spleen. These include kidney beans, green beans, string beans, and spleen beans.

• If you get punched in the stomach hard enough, your spleen can fly out your rectum.

The spleen is actually a part of your digestive system and rests just above the colon. If enough pressure is applied to the abdominal area, the mind will be confused on what is feces and what is spleen. Often the body will shoot the spleen out the anus and onto somebody's lap. This can often happen during intercourse as well so if you're prone to spleen problems, hard scrogging may not be a good idea.

Last updated October 16th, 2003