Movie stores need a "Shitty" section.
It's like everything starts out happy and the guy has lots of money and a beautiful girl who loves him then gradually he loses it all and in the end he dies. Yay. It's demented that people find it entertaining to watch people be miserable.
They usually call them drama or something. I dunno, maybe they are Drama. Who cares. The point is that there's a specific category that I think all these movies should be stuck into. And it shouldn't just be drama because some dramas are sweet. Like that one where you see Nicole Kidman's boobs. Movie stores need to revamp their entire drama section and replace it with a "See Nicole Kidman's Boobs" section. And instead of all the garbage they have before and after the boob scene, they should replace it with footage of John Goodman's ballhair under a microscope.
The video store Crazy Mikes has an "employee recommendations" section. What a load of crap that is. These scrumbags walked in with a high school diploma and drool coming out their mouths and jizz stains on their armpits and got a job and they're like, "Would you like to Supersize that DVD?" And the guy's like, "Shut the fuck up." It's like, wow, you rewind tapes all day long and take people's money and that makes you a critic. Watch out Siskel! There's a new threat brewing. Who actually goes into a movie store, sees the employees recommendation section, and thinks, "Hmm.. I was going to rent Freddy vs. Jason and swat moths while I beat off with my feet, but instead I'm going to get Stella, starring Bette Midler, because Sandra the minimum wage earning tape rewinder recommends it."
Anyway, the movie I rented was awful and made me depressed as a strep-throat patients tongue. So I broke it open and used the tape to wipe my ass. But it didn't help. I mean it helped with the ass wiping, but not the misery. I'm still bound in an existential conflict and I can't even get a hard-on and tonight I was looking forward to a wank spree. Fuckin' L.
The only way you can overcome is to come over and cum all over. I just invented that. That's the kinda shit that drives people insane. Shitty jokes. There's nothing worse than a guy who cracks shitty jokes all day long. I'd rather hang out with a girl. Bad jokes make gears all unhinged in your brain and churn the wrong way and stuff. Hearing a terrible pun is like being a transmission and getting shifted into reverse at 80mph. Then opening the engine and throwing those little critters from that Stephen King movie in there. Landoliers or whatever. That movie was fucked up. Anyway, you're a faggot.
Last updated July 18th, 2005