How to be politically Progressive.

I used to make fun of people who cared about the government, but after a lot of reading and research, I now realize how awesome and important it is for citizens to be educated on the issues concerning their country. On this webpage I will share what I've learned.

One thing to remember is that there are two parties to the American legal system - Democrats and Progressives. I'm going to focus mostly on the latter because that's what I am and that's what's important to me.

The biggest concern of the Progressive party is the upcoming election in November. Here is the voter turnout chart for the election next month:

As you can see by the map, several of the southern states have a political agenda. For this reason, the most pressing concern of the progressive movement is the stimulating of young voters by shaking up grass roots. There are several ways to create such a radical movement in the grass roots.

1. Earthquake
2. Rototiller
3. Day care
4. Give viagra to worms
5. Give viagra to day cares
6. Eat worms
7. Eat viagra
8. Rototill a daycare and eat worms and babies on viagra

Visit your local progressive party office for more options if you're interested in volunteering in a grassroots movement.

The chick from Massive Attack thinks she's Bjork.

9. Give viagra to Bjork.

10.

Now let's take a look at the progressive party in detail.

 

The Progressive Party

Members of the progressive party are very proud people. We who condsider ourselves members of the progressive party are very progressive. We are super ultra mondo progressive, which means we think and act progressive and eat a lot of progresso soup.

That brings me to my next point - global warming.

Lastly, let's talk about the Democratic party for a second. Th Fuck, a second goes by quick.

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Last updated November 22nd, 2007