Dildolicking. And other ways to ruin a porno.

I can't help but cringe when a girl slobers all over her dildo after she pummelled her vagina with it for five minutes. It ruins the porno for me. Don't do that. That is disgusting.

It's not like they're doing it because they like it. They think guys like it. And it's not so much the eating trap-sap that grosses me out, it's the look on her face. When it comes time to slobber, they'll look at the camera and try to be all sexy like, "Look at me, isn't this hot? Don't you like this?".. No, I don't. Stop now. Dammit, I orgasmed and didn't know it because I was too busy watching you slurp cunt juice off a bodyless cock.

I also hate watching guys get blowjobs. But I think that goes without saying. Pretty much any sucking of anything fallic is gross. Especially a live throbbing penis. And the guy always grunts. Yuck. He's like, "Yeah baby, suck it." And I'm like, "Click, click, right-click, delete, right-click recycle bin, empty." And by then my schlong is limper than angelhair pasta.

Penisii are disgusting and hairy and sick and I can't imagine how much Jack Johnson I'd have to listen to before could enjoy watching other guys get sucked off. I wanna see the twisted psycho that masturbates to dick licking. What is he thinking? "Oh boy, that girl sure can excrete a lot of saliva."

In other news, I wrote a poem today at work.

I came too fast and
The condoms are gone
Now what the fuck are we gunna do until dawn?
How about anal?
Nevermind, you just farted.
Shit.
We're back where we started.

Back to saliva - another disgusting fluid that should be left in the body. It's hard enough imagining how rank your grime slime is, now I have to add your spit into the mix. Sorry honey, I can only handle liquid from one set of lips at a time.

Guys do it too sometimes when they're eating a girl out. They'll back off just long enough to make me wondering what he's up to. Then it's like they jizzed out their mouth - pfffft. Giant fucking loogy to the twat. What a waste of talent.

There's a lot more to say on this subject but I have to go sing karaoke and replace every line with "fuck you you queer shitheads."

Last updated June 14th, 2005