Politics and stuff.
How do I feel about George Bush? I don't know. I don't really care. He's probably a douche bag, but oh well. I've never met him so I won't judge. However, I have met quite a few Americans and I can tell you that they suck. I hate the American people and always have. I hate our lies and bureaucracy and fat agnostic prostitutes. That's why I'm going to vote for Bush and move to Canada the next day. Bush will get reelected and detroy the nation while I'm chilling up North, drinking Alaskan Ale, and scrogging hot Eskimo chicks.
Michael Moore? He's cool, I guess. Fat, but funny. It's amazing how often fat people are funny. I suppose it's all they have to bring to the table. I have nothing against Michael Moore, but I would totally assassinate him if the Republican party paid me $2 million. Hell, I'd get pardoned by Bush and walk away clean with some cash and another notch on my katana.
I don't have many views on politics. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what "politics" means. I really could care less. I am proud to say that I have no fucking clue what's going on in the world. I know we're beating the tar out of Iraq, but other than that, nothing. Zero. I just recently learned the difference between republicans and democrats. I want my band to be named The Democrats. We would rock.
If someone walked up to me on the street with a brief case full hundred dollars bills and said, "I'll give you this if you can name your mayor," I couldn't do it. Even if someone told me his name, it would be forgotten in seconds. Maybe his name is John. That would be cool. I could call him John Mayor.
I think the DMV isn't half as bad as people think. I went there the other day and it went pretty smoothly. The valet parking was a little slow, but that's acceptable.
That's my lucky athlete's foot.
Microwave popcorn is impossible to make right. There's a period of only 1.2 seconds where it goes from a bag of kernels to a bag of ash. That's why I just open the package of corn and eat it. I don't like taking risks. Plus, my dentist approves. When I go camping, I like to put pieces of corn on a stick and make popcorn one kernel at a time. I'll roast anything in a fire. Once I went camping and we ran out of marshmellows so I used lucky charms. It was cool until a Leprechaun climbed into my tent and shoved a pot of gold up my asshole. Leprechaun sounds like the name of a transformer. It would be one that transforms into a leper and begs for money from decepticons. One time I was begging for money, but I didn't have a hat so I used a visor. I didn't make shit.
Do they make leatherwomen? It's like a leatherman without the knives and what not. Instead, nail polish, mascara, and a mirror flip out.
Nader is an insane electable radical. I have no idea what that means. When it comes to talking politics with people, I just stumble my way around a few key words to sound like I know what I'm blabbing about. If you're in the same boat as me, try these:
- Bureaucracy
- Proletarian
- Homeostasis
- Endoplasmic reticulum
I've had great success impressing people with my political knowledge this way. I'm like, "Hmm, it's interesting how Bush uses the beurocracy to raise taxes on the mitochondria. If only Kerry would increase clitoral stimulation among the proletarians and create homeostasis with the labia."
I use a metronome when I have sex.
Fuck off.
Last updated September 12th, 2004