Nonsense.

I'm sick and tired of people misunderstanding me and bitching endlessly over shit that I could care less about. Like the Maynard article. Jesus Christ. I take so much crap for that. You have no idea. People are like, "OMFG U ASS U INSULT MAYNARD HE IS GENIUS!" Get a damn clue. Whenever I say anything understandable, everybody judges and hates me for it. So from now on, I'm only writing gibberish. That way, nobody in their right mind can ever disagree with or get mad at me.

My parents got me a present for Hannukah when I was sixteen. Hannukah has seven days, and my parents could only afford one present. So, they sliced it up into seven pieces and gave me a one each night. It was the cutest puppy I'd ever seen. My parents have always been very considerate of my feelings. Later I realized that they aren't even Jewish and only claimed to be so they could slice up a puppy into seven pieces. I cried for a while, but then my mom comforted me with the fact that I'm a chosen one. I had a good childhood. Growing up, whenever I asked my mom, "Hey mom, how come I'm so fucking cool?" She replied, "Honey, it's because god is making up for all the Jews he slaughtered by making us ridiculously rich, smart and attractive."

Being raised Jewish without really being a real Jew has a lot of advantages. It allows me to use my Jewish heritage selectively. For example, let's say I'm attending my weekly KKK meeting, I usually don't tell anyone that I'm Jewish. But when people like Adam Sandler write songs about how kickass Jewish people are, I can brag to everyone about how thoroughbred sephardic I am like some sort of pompous dickface.

I woke up and all this drool was everywhere - on my pillow and sheets and what not. It was disgusting. It wasn't even my drool. Yuck. That's the last time I ever invite Amish people in off the street.

Have you ever ordered water in a to-go cup? You gotta ask them, "Hi, I'll have some H-2-Go." Yeah. That kind of rules. I think I stole that joke from somewhere. However, it's not on google, so I'm safe. For now.

Now I'd like to do some reviews on shirt ideas that I made up myself.

Excellent. A+

I am so awesome, I can't believe it. The bidding for each shirt starts at ten kajillion dollars. Whoever can't afford that obviously isn't cool enough to sport my attire. I have one of each of those shirts and I wear all 10 of them every day. When I get home, I make my parents lay down a carpet of them that leads to my room. Then they play my awesome breakbeat theme song as I spin on my head and eat oatmeal. I'm in such a good mood. I need to go have crazy sex. Bye now.

Last updated July 27th, 2004

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Nonsense.