Living girls are not only overrated, but they're way overqualified for the job. A dead body works fine. Why waste resources? Having sex with a living girl is like buying a four foot diamond studded gravity bong to smoke tobacco.
All any guy wants out of life is psycho sadistic sex. You can have that with a corpse. Toss her around, kick her in the ass, punch her upside the titbags. It's a skill just like any other. For example, if you want her to moan, give her CPR and push down really quick. The air will come out her vocal chords and make sexy sounds. Sometimes this will bring her back to life so it's important to keep a pick axe handy.
My favorite thing to do with a pick axe is to stick a new hole in her chest plate. It's soft, lubricated, and ribbed for my pleasure. Some say sex isn't great unless you can open up to your partner. I almost agree. I say sex isn't great unless you can open up your partner.
The great thing about dead girls is that they're customizeable. Go to a nun graveyard and it's your own personal buffet of sin. This is a woman I've been working on for a few months now, Helga. She is my pride and joy toy.
A few months ago, Helga caught me cheating on her. A girl was in my bed getting naked when helga fell out of my closet. I was terrified at first, but then I remembered that neither girl was capable of common sense or reason. The girl I was with freaked out and threatened to call the police. What a horrible night that was. Now Helga isn't the only dead girl in my closet.
The possibility of a corpse orgy is intriguing. However, it's easier to use one body and mount various heads onto it throughout the night. Or just have one head with 4 faces that you spin around and take whatever face it stops on like Wheel of Fortune. And if it lands on a gangrene, you go bankrupt and have to pawn the corpse to another sick individual.
Some say that necrophiliacs have sex with dead girls because they want an unresisting and unrejecting partner. This is completely disagreeable. Here are some great reasons to have a dead girlfriend that don't involve dominance or insecurity.
- Dead girls get into movie theaters for free.
- Dead girls don't have a problem with riding in the trunk on the way to the movie theater.
- Dead girls don't die when you go into the movie theater and forget them in the trunk. If you leave an alive girlfriend in the trunk, you remember half way through the movie. But the movie is really good, so you wait until its over and go out and tell her what an awesome movie she missed, but now she's dead. If only she were dead in the first place, it wouldn't matter.
Another benefit to dead chicks is that girls without a heart beat can't get pregnant. Don't ask me why this is. I'm no doctor. All I know is that even if a dead girl gets pregnant, aborting the fetus is easy. Just cut her in half and pull the baby out. But then her body is cut in half, so you have to do the baby. Then the baby gets pregnant. So you cut it in half and fuck the next baby. On into infinity. It's like one of those Russian dolls. I've always had a thing for Russians. Especially Helga. But she's only 1/2 Russian and fortunately it's the bottom half.
Some girls call me disgusting for saying these things. It's not about disgusting, it's about true love. Because the only way you really know if a girl truly loves you is if she knows you're a necrophiliac and still marries you.
Last updated January 18th, 2008