My big contribution to the math world.

To be a famous scientist, one needs a catchy equation or theory associated with their name. When you think "Einstein", you say "E=MC squared" That's what makes him so famous. Newton is well-known for stating the extremely poetic phrase, "For every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction." Plus, he was named after a cookie.

With these thoughts in mind, I spent a few weeks drawing nothing but blanks. At first I thought about changing my name from Alexander to Oreo, but that didn't fly with my mom. Then, one magical night as I was scrogging a girl, it dawned on me that nobody truly understood the mathematics involved with sex. I thought it was absurd that the two coolest things on the planet hadn't been linked together yet. "Hmm," I thought, "Being both a sex god and a math guru, finding that connection should be easy for me."

And it was. I threw the girl off, grabbed a pen, and wrote this formula down on her butt cheek:

There you have it: sex equals fun. Man, I'm a genius. I should get a full ride scholarship to MIT. That, or the Playboy Mansion, either one is okay with me. Actually, I'd probably go with Playboy if they both offered at the same time, but MIT would be alright too.

Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera (I can't tell).

Last updated December 4th, 2003