Tucker Max movie is the best movie of the year.

I loved this movie. I've seen it like 20 times and it's the best because Tucker Max behaves exactly like I wish I could, but I'm too afraid to. And that entertains me.

I wish I could treat girls like he does, but I don't because I'm too self-conscious and timid. So I watch this movie to project myself onto Tucker and imagine that I'm him on his crazy fun quests of hooking up with chicks and being a dick to everyone.

Maybe it's a little formulaic and repetitive. So what? The formula is timeless:

[guy]: (to girl) [something mean]

Totally awesome and innovative. So what if all his website, book, and movie are all ridiculous lies and drastic exaggerations. I still enjoy these stories because I'm a fucking pussy bitch nerd who will believe these stories are real because I know absolutely nothing of how women actually behave and this kind of entertainment is the only connection I have to any girl above a 5/10.

And so what if the movie only made $1.5 million back from its $7 million dollar budget. Big deal. Money isn't everything. They say money is the key to happiness. And Tucker Max makes girls unhappy, so it makes sense that the movie made no money.

And so what if Tucker Max is peeking on middle aged and still trying to entertain college kids. That's forgiveable.

And so what if RottenTomatoes.com gave it a 22%. What do they know? They're just movie critics. Why don't they critic someone their own size?

And so what if the movie has virtually no plot, and it's just a bullshit cookie-cut rehash of every "3 guys on a road trip to get laid" story.

And so what if it could have been titled "American Pie 7: The Tucker Max Story" and nobody would have thought twice.

And so what if all the humor relied on making fun of stereotypes that we all lost interest in back in 2002.

And so what if the characters were so one-dimensional that I could dub Pink Floyd over the movie and think it was a laser light show.

And so what if the movie inspired me to no longer be a mysogenist asshole in fear that I might be associated with the film.

And so what if the dialog was so trite and phoney that it caused me actual physical pain.

The Tucker Max movie is so good, you don't even need to pay $3 to rent it. Just read the back cover and you already know everything that happens and have experienced all the emotions the movie has to offer. That's how good it is. Fuck this movie.

Last updated February 20th, 2010