What the hell is a Large Hadron Collider?

Does anyone actually know what this thing does? Every scientist in every article says, "Good question.. we might find a particle. We might find a sparticle. Generally we have no fucking clue." They built this thing without knowing what it will do. Isn't that weird? They're like, "Well.. We may find black holes and other dimensions and maybe a Feringi will pop out and teach us a festive song and dance."

Usually when people spend ten billion dollars on something, they know the function and purpose beforehand. Remember the Manhattan Project? Scientists got together and said, "Let's build a giant weapon so we don't have to learn German." It seems the only thing anyone knows about the LHC is that it's a big circle in which stuff goes around really fast. It's basically a ten billion dollar train set with invisible railroad cars.

They don't have a clue what this thing does or why it was built. Nobody does. Scientists try to talk about it but all they do is stumble all over their words and contradict everything they say.

The scientists claim to be after new knowledge. If that's the case, they don't need to dig this deep. There's plenty of new knowledge out there that we can search for without smashing protons together. For example - women. Mankind doesn't know a damn thing about women - how they work, how they operate, why some of them don't give head. Nothing.

And since the structure is already built, it would be easy to make a few simple practical modifications.

Maybe if we put two girls into the big track and smash them together at the speed of light, it'll give us some insight on how to make them more slutty.

And if you look at pictures of the LHC, it clearly doesn't have that far to go from being a sex research site. Just look at the thing. When I see a pictures of it, the only scientific thought that enters my mind is -

Landing on the moon was exciting. Going to war was exciting. Accelerating particles is a waste of everyone's time. Boring. Dumb. Don't care. Give it up. You spent the money, now either use it for something good or sell the thing and buy every person on the planet a bean burrito.

Last updated September 14th, 2008