God damn hackers.
If you came to my site and it didn't work, this is why.
A few days ago, some anti-SecondBestPage jerky got into my webserver and screwed all kinds of stuff up. My configuration files were all tweaked to hell and I had no clue what was going on because I don't know dick about computers.
It was probably some zitty, drueling Maddox fan trying to hint me to take my site down. Freaks: I know that I am horrible, but I'm still not going to take my page down because writing is something I enjoy. I don't make these articles to entertain people. Fuck no, I hate people. The last thing I'd want is for you to laugh and have a good time while reading my page. Screw that. I want you to be miserable and bored like me. To prove it, I'm going to ramble on about uninteresting, stupid, worthless blabber with terrible writing that I KNOW nobody would enjoy reading. That'll show you morons that I don't care what you think. Just go away and leave me and my poor website alone.
Yeah so... the other day I was talking to this girl. Well, she opened her mouth and I just walked away. All girls piss me off. I don't think I've ever felt good after talking to any female. Tonight I watched this movie called How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Actually, I haven't watched it yet, but I did rent the thing and it's sitting on my desk in front of me. I have no god damn clue why I rented it. The movie store appealed to me for some reason, so I walked in, put the DVD on the counter, and forked up 3 whole dollars of tip money which took 5 tables to collect because people in my town are cheap. I'm a good waiter and deserve more than 15%. Maybe I spill coffee a lot, drop plates, slur my speech, screw up orders, and charge them for things that they never asked for. So what? Any tip less than $20 is bullshit.
Today, oh man, it was so funny. I waited on a family and they seemed cool, so I walked up smiling and said, "Hello, how are you all doing today? Our special is a chicken breast for eight dollars and ninety five cents." One of the ladies politely said, "Yeah, I'll have that." I replied with, "You'll have what?" She muttered, "The chicken breast." I wiped the smile off my face, glared at her for a few seconds in disgust, then barked, "We don't have any fucking chicken breast. What the hell is wrong with you? Bitch." Man, it was awesome. My boss was in the back laughing her ass off. I brought them their food after taking bites out of it and putting tobasco sauce on their salad. They must have thought I was great because they left me a wallet for a tip. Actually, I think they got up and left so quickly that the wallet fell out of one of their pockets. Oh well, a tip is a tip in my line of business.
Then I went and did something utterly stupid by wasting the cash on a dumb movie that I'm probably not going to get around watching. The title really pisses me off. I don't understand, it can't be THAT hard to lose a guy. Especially in ten whole days, hell, I could lose a girl in like 10 hours, or 10 minutes.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd make a movie called "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds. And it would be ninety minutes of beefy-ass muscle chicks pummeling the tar out of scronny, pasty little men.
Then at the end, it would say: "And if all else fails, tell him you have AIDS."
8a. Why the hell doesn't dreamweaver have a spellchecker?
8b. Answer: So idiots have something to hatemail me about. "YOU MADE A SPELLNG ERROR ON YOUR SITE U SUCK AND DROP DEAD!"
9. This movie really is gunna suckitize.
10. I'd love to sit here and keep writing,
135. But I should probably watchitize the chick flick because I have to workitize tomorrow.
23. And the boss will thinkitize I'm stoned if I go in tired as hell.
2. I hate work.
6i. I work at a restaurantism.
I've come to realize that there are four kinds of people that workism at restaurants:
1. Stupid + Attractive = hostism (show to seats, bring menus, etc..)
4 . Stupid + Ugly = wash dishes
2 . Intelligent + Attractive = waitism tables
3 . Intelligent + Ugly = cook
Somehow there was a glitchism in the system and I got put as a waiter even though I'm stupid and very unattractive. I'm not complainitizing. One of these days my boss will come to her senses and realize that I'm stupid and unattractive. She'll try to flatter me and make me feel good first before demoting me like, "Hey Alexander, I was thinking, umm.. you're the best sanitary specialist we've got here and I think it would be most advantageous if we switched you over to a fulltime flatware hygiene maintainance engineer." I'd look at her strangely and reply with, "What? You want me to wash dishes? Fuck it." That's when I walk into the main room and make a HUGE scene.
I love not caring, I get to do the funnest stuff. This one time I was moving across the state and on the last day of work, I stood up on a cubicle holding a can of Pepsi One and screamed, "Attention everyone. Listen up, NOW GOD DAMMIT." I paused until I had the entire office's attention before I smiled and continued in my best broadcaster voice, "Introducing the new Pepsi One. It's spectangular flavor and delectable after taste won it the most successful new consumer product of the year in 2000. Stop by your local food or drug store and pick up a can." Then I gave a cheesy smile and started dancing and singing the Pepsi theme song. It was awesome.
Seriously, making scenes is so sweet. We really need more people doing crazy, random stuff. However, our culture is set up to make us too self-conscious and self-important. Nobody cares about us half as much as we think they do, especially strangers. It's ironic how people who care about you are close enough to know that you're just being weird and that's not how you REALLY are. If you make a scene, the worst that's going to happen is people will think A) that guy is funny as shit, or B) that guy is weird. But what it all comes down to is that we're all too wrapped up in our own survival trip filled with problems and personal lives to care about some crazy dude running around like a monkey and screaming, "LEEKA LEEKOO BEEKAA!!"
Try it some time, do something crazy and out of the blue. People might giggle at you, but who cares? The way I see it, if people judge me harshly for doing something wacko, I don't want anything to do with them anyway. It's like an idiot filter - if I do something nuts, cool people will respect me and idiots won't. The cool people will think I'm awesome and the idiots will go home, watch three hours of reality TV, and cry themselves to sleep because they're jealous of people like ME who don't give a shit. I'm not even bragging, I seriously don't care. I'll go out in front of like 200 people and flop around on the ground squealing for a buck. Hell, I'll do it for free. This one time.. aww screw it, I'm done blabbing. Maybe after I watch "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days", I'll come back and talk more about how much it pissed me off...
(2 hours and many Z's later..)
Okay I'm done watching it, here's my review:
Best retitled to: "How to Lose a Viewers Interest in 10 Seconds." Enough said.
Okay no more trying to be funny. Actually, I have to say.. it's a really good movie. Good acting, good idea, well done. Seriously, not bad. Watch "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".. it's better than it sounds. There is these two evil girls trying to jack a guys diamond gig and they remind me of the siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp. Those things are sweet, they don't take shit from anything. The two cats go around stealing from babies and blaming it all on dogs. If I were a cat, that's what I'd do, but I'd rather be a dragon and burn entire villages. That would be awesome.
Anyway, hackers are stupid, I hate them.
Last updated November 17th, 2003