Stop using picture frames with labels.

There's no reason to use labeled frames. It's pointless gimmicky bullshit. People think they're being so adorable. It's not. It is insulting. They throw a tiny picture of you in a huge frame with more text and color than photograph. It's saying, "You are equally important to me as a purple square."

Waste all that space with boring colors so that the picture can be tiny. Really fucking sentimental.

Either display photographs or artwork. Make up your mind.

How many times does "Friends" need to be written on there? Like there's a strange disorder that makes some people only literate in certain fonts. "Excuse me, can you read that menu for me? I can only read in Times New Roman.. yeah.. it's a rare disorder.. It's calling I'm a fucking retard."

A lot of frames say "Best Friend." It is a god awful term. Anybody who considers someone a best friend, that's the only friend they have. Guaranteed. Someone with more than one friend will not be compelled to tag one as best.

Somehow these girls managed to have four best friends. Which completely defeats the reason for having a best of something. I think what they meant to say was "Ugliest Friends."

If you're that immature and losery and you need to identify someone as a "best" friend, keep it to yourself. You're pissing everyone off who can read.

"Best Friends Forever" is even more bogus of a term. There's no point in engaging in an informal contract like that. It's not marriage. You don't get tax breaks by committing to a friend forever. You just get a useless empty frame when you decide that the person in the picture is a shitbag.

Then there's this corny garbage where they throw up keywords around the frame matting. Stuff like "happiness," "inspiration," and "over obsession." You're displaying a photograph, not optimizing it for search engines. Stop embarrassing yourself.

It's so aggravating. Are these words supposed to be reminders? Are people forgetting what it means to be a friend? Memories, laughter, and all these things go without saying with any friendship. It's like putting a "Gets you drunk" sticker on bottles of vodka.

None of the words are ever accurate with the photograph either. You think those three chicks care at all about memories, laughter, and support? Total bullshit.

If you require cookie-cut words to define your relationship with someone, you probably don't know each other too well and maybe they don't deserve a frame. Roll their picture up tightly and pack it in a box deep in your closet where nobody will ever find it and then burn your house down and jump into the fire quickly.

"Friendship is a gift of laughter and courage and endless support." That is meaningless. It means nothing. It is cheesy rhetoric and it does not belong anywhere in plain sight. The only people who buy these frames are people who have no concept of what a friend is or what it entails.

What they really should be putting on their dressers is this -

 

There's simply nothing to it and it pisses me off. Stop trying so hard to be adorable. Use a regular frame and let the picture speak for itself.

If someone's picture is framed in your room, you're obviously friends. It doesn't need to be labeled. Trust me. People understand that there's no other reason to have photographs lying around. You'll never see someone littering their dresser with pictures of distant companions.

Or accidentally mistaking your pictures of friends for pictures of your enemies. For example, here's one of mine I keep on my night stand.

I hate that lady. Every time I watch one of her movies her awful performance lingers inside of my DVD player and ruins the acting of the next five movies I watch.

Another type of frame the blows are the ones that say "family". A disgusting, useless and insulting waste of aesthetics.

There is no reason to have "Family" written on your family portrait. You should know who these people are by now.

Dumb annoying garbage. Throw them all away, starting with the infant.

Stop buying these things. It's not beneficial in any way. Trust me. Friends don't let friends put pictures of friends in frames that say Friends.

If you see one, burn it. Send pink and purple flames into the sky and melt all the hearts into circles and find the people in the photograph and throw them into the smoldering heap and then sweep up their charred remains into a pile and fuck it in the ass.

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Last updated January 18th, 2008