Ten great tips on surviving finals week.
1. Wear a bullet proof vest because I'm going to shoot you too many times if you try to complain at me about how much finals week sucks.
2. Epoxy your lips together so that you can't bitch about your finals and make me put glass inside you creatively.
3. Do not ever use any of these words to describe yourself while I am holding a pick axe:
- stressed
- exausted
- jaded
- overworked
- wiped out
3. Stop nagging for sympathy. Nobody cares that you have to do all this work in one week because you slacked off all semester.
4. Shut up frequently.
12. Do not write blogs about how stressed out you are. Nobody cares. I've bludgeoned people into black holes for far less.
5. Do not mention how tired you are from studying or I will cut your eyes out using other people's eyes that I cut out using other people's eyes.
7. Drop out. If you're that miserable over school, you're clearly not interested. Why are you wasting your time? Anybody who does stuff they don't want to is a fool.
6. Learn to be grenade resistant.
8. Stop telling me your finals problems like it's not your fault. You had months to write your big stupid essay. It's your fault you slacked off and you don't deserve any sympathy from anyone.
9. If I ask you how you're doing and you mention something about how finals suck, you should hope to Jesus that I've ran out of javalins.
10. Shut up.
11. Don't use "finals week" as an excuse. If you don't party with me the week before finals, I will consider you a MIA friend douchebag and never speak to you again and kill you.
12. Get drunk before finals. It will ease the pain from the exploding pencils. See, at night when you were asleep, I crept into your room, opened up your backpack in the pencils section, and raped your sister.
13. Auction off everything you own on eBay so you can afford hospital bills after I get so pissed off at everyone whining about finals week that I nuke the universe.
14. Shoot up your school yelling and screaming and shit. You'll go to jail where I can't chainsaw you.
15. Kill yourself.
14. Hope to god that I don't invent a railgun before finals week is over.
16. Go fuck yourself. I hate you.
Last updated May 1st, 2008