Am I the next to be "discovered?"

Apparently last week I applied to enter a pop culture contest in Florida. I don't remember any of it. I was probably high and thought I was entering a pot culture contest or something. I don't know. Anyway, they called me up today for an interview. It caught me a little off guard. Here's how it went:

Rick: Hi, this is Rick from fashionrock dot com. Is this "thigh low?"

Alexander: No. This is Alexander.

Rick: How old are you, "tee low?"

Alexander: Uhh.. I'm young enough to dream about being a pop star but old enough to call you an asshole over the phone.

Rick: Please hold while I transfer you to a fashion rock representative that will begin your interview.

(while I'm on hold, they play Backstreet Boys)

Leslie: Hello. My name is Leslie.

Alexander: That was the worst hold music I've ever heard.

Leslie: ...I am Leslie and I will be interviewing you today. Which category of the fashion rock contest are you interested in applying for?

Alexander: What are my options?

Leslie: We have contests for singing, dancing, modeling, acting, and comedy.

Alexander: Uhh.. most of that stuff sucks. Just throw me in the category with the hottest chicks.

Leslie: How did you find out about Fashion Rock?

Alexander: Google.

(silence)

Alexander: You know, big white website with the text box...

Leslie: Yes. I do.

Alexander: Man, I'm so glad I don't have your job.

Leslie: Why?... I like it...

Alexander: What the hell is wrong with you?

Leslie: Nothing. I get to meet a lot of new people.

Alexander: That's pretty sad.

Leslie: What is?

Alexander: That your idea of meeting new people involves interviewing prepubescent one-sided losers who think they're something special because their daddy told them what a great singer they are.

Leslie: Uhh okay. What makes you want to enter our contest?

Alexander: I dunno, boredom?

Leslie: Boredom? That's it?

Alexander: Yeah, boredom rules.

Leslie: Well... we want people who are serious. Seventy to a hundred thousand people are looking to be discovered in America?

Alexander: Whatever you say, Columbus.

Leslie: So what are your strong points?

Alexander: You don't know anything about any of those categories, do you?

Leslie: Enough to conduct interviews.

Alexander: And...?

Leslie: Well first of all, comedy is things that are funny and... that make people laugh. Singing is.. it's all pretty much all about recognizing talent.

Alexander: That's like the dumbest thing ever.

(silence)

Alexander: Lady, you're like thirty and you enviously chat with little teeny boppers all day on the phone. Your pop star dreams are done. Go get a real job... you should be the one getting interviewed.

(silence)

Alexander: *click*

I sure hope they call me back. I can't wait to fly down to Florida to see if some halfwit aging never-has-been thinks I'm "talented." All these "talent" shows and contests are such crap. It's not even talent at all. The parents of these people raised them to vicariously fulfill their own childhood dreams of being a pop idol. They've had voice lessons, dance lessons, pompous bitch lessons, and every other kind of lesson since they were five years old. Even after that, they still suck. That isn't talent. Talent is when somebody who doesn't care about singing or dancing or any of that bullshit but can get up on a stage and rock the mic without giving a shit.

It's ironic, though, how a lady interviewing artists knows nothing about the industry. It would be like applying for a Chemical Engineering job and being interviewed by a mime. That would be a funny interview:

Mime:

Alexander: .... what a fuckin' idiot.

Mime:

Alexander: Screw this. *leaves*

Last updated March 15th, 2005