When is it time buy a new computer?

Every day millions of people struggle with slow computers. They don't realize that buying a new computer is fast, easy, and has nothing to do with giving in to our consumer culture by buying exessively powerful computers just to check their mail and play Sudoku.

Even though old 3Ghz computers no longer sufficiently handle people's day-to-day needs like chatting and burning CDs, most users are so overwhelmed that they don't know what to do about it. As you can see by these testimonials:

"Hi, I'm Bob. I have a 2.8Ghz Dell with 1GB RAM and 180GB of hard drive space. When I'm looking at porn, things seem sluggish. And my computer gets slow too. I really need a new computer. However, I just don't know what to do!"

"Hi. I'm Alessandra Ambrosio. Why does the author of this site keep having fantasies of insanely kinky jungle sex with me? He obsesses over me and has rotten kinky dreams about scrogging me in a canoe filled with lemon sauce. Oh, and my computer is slow."

"Hello, my name is Lisa. I bought a brand new computer last month and all my dating sites load so slow! I need to upgrade soon or I'll go crazy lolMAX!!"

If you're like these people, you're not alone. Except for Lisa, who will always be alone because she looks like a gopher.

Old computers simply cannot keep up with new software. Huge CPU taxing programs, such as MS Paint and Notepad, cannot run smoothly on any machine bought before late 2006.

Because let's face it - computers get old and tired. Like people, they age and lose their abilities. In fact, if you look on the motherboard of a several year old PC, you'll actually see signs of aging.

Also, if you wake up and see that Yahoo Bingo installed itself overnight, you know your machine is getting old.

So, the question is - how do you know when to buy?

Here's a guide on how to know if you need to invest in a brand new computer:

- Does your computer take a long time to boot up?
- Is your hard drive full?
- Do you get popups?
- Is your internet slow?
- Does your notification taskbar look like this?

- Is your keyboard dirty?
- Is your printer out of ink?
- Do you own a Mac?
- Is your email account full?
- Are your desktop icons cluttered?
- Does your recycling bin need to be emptied?
- Are you bored with your desktop background?
- Is the top of your monitor dusty?
- Does the word "uninstall" cause you great pain and emotional trauma?

If you answered 'yes' to any of those questions, it's definitely time to hit the stores for a new PC.

So you've decided it's time to buy. The next step is finding the right computer for you. There's so many choices. You want quality performance. You want your computer to handle all future applications that may come out, like Solitaire 2.0.

I've taken the time to scour the market looking for great deals on solid, fast PC solutions capable of running most of today's high-end software and animated help wizards. The following are my personal recommendations that will provide you with the quality and speed you deserve.

#1. HP A9951A rp4440 Enterprise Server

This is a decent machine at an affordable price, especially if you're into online scrabble.

Specs:
Two Quad Core Intel Xeon 2.66GHz 8x16MB Cache, 1666MHz FSB
16GB DDR Corsair memory ( 8 x 2GB )
3TB 15k RPM Ultra320 SCSI Disk Drives (10 x 300GB)

Pros: Fairly fast, sturdy, and quiet.

Cons: Low hard drive space (only holds 778,000 songs).

Price: $12,000.00

#2. Dell Poweredge Server 2950

This is a relatively okay machine. With this, you can easily chat on messenger, listen to music, and play sudoku - all at the same time.

Specs:
Four Quad Core Intel Xeon 4GHz 8x16MB Cache, 1633MHz FSB
32 GB DDR SD RAM (8 x 4GB) (1 Ghz)
Six 300GB 15K rpm SEAGATE SAS 3.5 Hot Swap HD's w/RAID 5

Pros: Small, moderate price, excellent heat distribution.

Cons: Relatively low processing power. Might lag during.

Price: $25,000.00

#3. Angstrom BLADE Server Cabinet

With this PC, you can simultaneously chat, check your myspace, type a Word document, listen to music, and crop an image without any problem. It's costly, but a worthy investment because you won't have to upgrade for at least half a year.

Specs:
435.2Ghz (64 x 2 x 3.4Ghz) P4 CPUs, 1MB Cache, 800mhz FSB
256GB (64 x 4 x 1GB) ECC RAM
18.5TB (64 x 250GB) HDD and 64 x 40GB HDD

Pros: Very fast. Looks cool. Free Intel sticker.

Cons: Loud. Relatively pricey.

Price: $75,000.00

#4. Sun Systems Data Center

Image editing? Online poker? Burning CDs? Tabbed browsing? Multiple instances of minesweeper? This is the solution for you.

Specs:
3Thz (24 x 8 x 4) 4GHZ XEON CPUs, 8MB Cache, 1600mhz FSB
6TB (24 x 8 x 8 x 4 x 1GB) ECC RAM
576TB (576 x 1TB) LaCie 15k rpm HDD

Pros: Extremely fast. Good multi-tasking capabilities.

Cons: Takes up a lot of closet space. Tacky. High power bills. High maintenance costs.

Price: $320,000.00

#5. Google

If you're really looking for some processor power, Google is a great solution. This is recommended for anybody who wishes to engage in extensive editing of images and movies from their cellphone.

Specs:
1,700Terahertz (500,000 3.4GHZ) XEON CPUs, 40MB Cache, 2Ghz FSB
1,000 Quadrabytes ECC RAM
6 hyperbillion Megabytes of hard drive space

Pros: Excellent performance. Large software package. Free sushi on Google campus.

Cons: Difficult to move around. Requires frequent upgrading.

Price: seasonal

The next time you find yourself waiting for software to download or tapping your fingers watching Windows load, do yourself a favor and go buy a new PC. You'll be happy in the long run.

Even though it may be overwhelming, and deciding which computer to buy is difficult because there's so many companies marketing at you, keep in mind that PC corporations are doing it for altruistic reasons and have no goal of exploiting your ignorance and making you think you need to buy their products year after year when a simple hard drive format would solve all your problems for the cost of a beer to your tech-savvy friend.

Happy buying!

Last updated April 21st, 2007