Reasons people wear band shirts.
People buy and wear band shirts for several reasons:
1. They want to support the band.
Last time I checked, bands make music, not clothing. You're not supporting CKY, you're supporting American Apparel. I support birth control, but I'm not going to walk around all day with a condom on my dick.
People download songs for free off the internet then spend the price of an album on a shirt with the band's logo.
I know bands don't make much off album sales, and if you're really that fixated on supporting the band financially, just send them a check for $25 and dodge the production cost of the shirt.
2. They believe musical preference is a large factor in determining one's personality.
My opinion: Musical preference has nothing to do with who someone is. The coolest people I know listen to the strangest crap. One of my best friends is totally gangstered out and he listens to Enya every night.
What music do you think Maddox listens to? If you said Brazillan jazz, you're correct.
It works like this - music enhances a situation, not a person. There is always a time and vibe for every genre of music. I never listen to country, but if I ever happen to find myself out on the countryside riding a horse, I wouldn't mind a little Toby Keith. If I'm swing dancing, I want jazz. Right? If I'm having sex with a fat chick, I listen to Under the Sea from the Little Mermaid.
3. They feel that they lack an identity and need to reference a cultural icon to gain recognition as a human being.
I have no idea what that means. I just wrote it because it's 6am and I'm really tired and it sounded deep. I must have channeled it from Krentog the Dead Mystic Hydralisk. Moving on.
4. They seek approval from their peers and believe having similar taste in music will give others a reason to like them.
You walk around all day with an Iron Maiden shirt wishing some cool kid will walk up and say, "Hey man, you like the Maiden? Sweet dude. You're cool." And you feel accepted. And you have no other way to make friends because you're a social retard and require something as superficial and cliche as musical preference to break the ice.
This doesn't mean everybody should wear plain colored shirts all the time. There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself with your clothing. But you have to express yourself, not a band who plays music you identify with.
6. There is one exception - if you wear a band shirt because you feel the design reflects your personality, that's cool. For example, I wear an Elvis shirt because it's badass. His music is lametarded, but the shirt is illnuts. And no, I don't have any TOOL shirts, but I do have a worker shirt from Perkins with "Bambi" embroidered on the chest. It gets me laid all the time. No it doesn't.
Also, if the band is local or otherwise void of cultural icon status, it's okay. Still stupid, but acceptable.
I'm just kidding about all this, by the way. I really don't care what you wear. I'm just trying to piss people off. But I guess I shouldn't have said that because it lessens the pissoff factor. Now whoever was initially pissed off realizes I'm not serious and is no longer pissed off, but is merely steamed and perhaps slightly simmered. Oh well. I guess if you still have some anger in your system, hatemail me anyway with your bullshit justification on why you wear band shirts and I'll email you back pretending that I give a shit.
In conclusion, fat chicks are just as sexy if you know how to use them. It's like sexual tai chi - use their momentum to your advantage.
I'm done.
Last updated December 3rd, 2005