A solution to the drug problem in America.

I figured out a solution to the drug problem in America - give all the drugs to me. Instead of the tragic horror being widely dispersed among millions of people, consolidate the problem down to one person.

I spilled yogurt on my pillow and now it's all crusty. I didn't know what to do. Girls would come over and think the wrong thing. This is how I solved it.

Good thing I'm such an artist. Here are some other works of mine.

A guy has to be able to drain his manhood tanks without fear. Ya know? Speaking of which, I just woke up from an amazing sleep. It was the kind of sweaty sticky sleep you jerk off and pass out. Then I woke up and there was a tube sock crusted to my stomach. People think a band aid hurts to pull off. See, when I perform prostate maintainance, I only use the highest quality 100% composite woven Speedfelt® tube sock.

Speaking of tubes, in the news, a girl named Terri has brain damage and needs a "feeding tube" or she will die. I believe I will take the controversial stance on this one just to be "edgy." Faggot.

If Terri was an only child and her mom was incapable of beating... I mean... bearing another fetus, losing the girl might be tragic. However, they have a perfectly hot daughter who's life isn't bound to a hospital bed. I say the parent's should focus on their pretty, braindamageless daughter and cut their losses. And by losses, I mean feeding tube.

IN OTHER NEWS...

McDonalds is outsourcing their drive-throughs. Here's how it will work:

It's true. Google it if you want. McDonalds is doing it, soon Burger King and everywhere else will too, including pizza delivery orders.

There should be a law that says Catholic girls aren't allowed to wear short skirts. Oh wait, no there shouldn't.

Last updated March 28th, 2005